Anyone who has been wrongfully accused, had their word completely misinterpreted, had people involve themselves “out of care” (aka wrong intentions), heard horrible gossip about themselves, been alienated by supposed loved ones or been bullied over things, knows how negatively it can impact you.
It can literally take over your entire life within a matter of minutes and once your reputation is ruined, it’s not repairable. Or is it?
Here are 9 ways I have found that have helped me in moving forward in my life by taking my power back, holding my head high and deflecting every offensive accusation that gets thrown my way.
It’s not always easy, some days I find it hard to take my own advice, but overall I am on the mend to allowing these 9 strategies to rule my life so they become natural.
I hate this word and this realization but it’s so true. You have to learn to accept what is and what isn’t, even if what people think are not true at all.
Battling this won’t be easy, but one must accept the facts in order to fully move forward.
Once you begin to break free from denial, you will slowly learn to accept facts because sadly, there is literally nothing you can do about it.
This is probably the hardest realities to face, yet it’s so true, you can’t live in denial forever.
2. Reputation Repair
I’m sure we’ve all had our reputations damaged by someone else at some point or another, it’s one of the hardest things to fix.
Once your reputation is ruined, it’s really hard to change the opinions of others, most of the time you just honestly can’t.
However, you are the only person that can change it, which is what I had to realize.
Are you a murderer? Are you a really bad person? Do you take advantage of people for self gain? The answer probably is “no”.
I asked myself these questions then realized that I can’t keep beating myself up for things I have not done.
The things I have done, I can own those mistakes and move on.
Anyone else that does not allow you to move forward by holding a false image over you, is not worth your time.
3. Your Circle
Spending time with those who refuse to see you in any positive way and continue to hold completely unqualified opinions of you are toxic.
Instead, surround yourself with people that will be honest when you do need to work on things, yet love you at your worst and encourage you as you move forward.
If you have to spend energy into convincing someone that any rumors or accusations about you aren’t true, they aren’t worth your time.
Those that didn’t give you the time of day to speak to you directly yet had absolutely no problem talking about you behind your back, are also not worth your time.
People who jump on the gossip train, form uneducated opinions, unqualified assumptions and refuse to change their mind are not healthy people at all.
You have to realize it’s not you, it’s actually them.
Even if you did do something wrong, if your owning it and doing the work necessary to change it then your miles ahead of those people.
Your miles ahead, because those people are still stuck with false opinions of you and refuse to make amends for perhaps some of their actions they’ve caused too!
Healthy relationships consist of a person gently informing someone of what they have done and allowing the other to take ownership for their actions.
Upon doing so, the person should encourage that friend and listen without being suspicious.
Taking everything at face value until proven otherwise, the friendship should stay firm and never waver.
Anything that does not look like that isn’t healthy.
4. One Wish
Your one wish is probably for those who wrongfully accused you, gossiped about you, started rumors, weren’t there for you in a time of need, didn’t bother to ask you about your well being and consistently tried to make you feel guilty for things, would come forward and just simply apologize.
Unfortunately that wish may never ever come true.
The positive to this though, is that it may not be because they don’t believe you. It could mostly be because they are either:
A) Pride and so they are way too arrogant to admit they were wrong in the first place.
B) Choose to never see things any other way because that would mean they are wrong. People generally don’t like being wrong.
C) Shameful and embarrassed of their actions and they honestly don’t know how to even approach you.
D) They genuinely don’t care anymore, they’ve lived in denial of everything they did and pretend it’s in the past. They “moved on from it” which actually means, they are avoiding it and in turn, avoiding how they feel.
E) They simply don’t think they did anything wrong. This is one of the hardest ones to accept, but again, all you can do is be your honest self.
It will eventually reach those that don’t believe you and they’ll have to choose whether to feel option A,B,C, or D.
Don’t count on them apologizing although that would be great, don’t expect it. Keep your expectations realistic.
5. Don’t Give It Time
Don’t feel like you have to constantly be giving every single person your energy and constantly explaining yourself.
It will literally consume your life, I know this from experience.
Some things are legitimate to address if it poses a risk to safety etc, but generally you really don’t owe anyone any explanation if your innocent, that’s not your role to be your own lawyer.
Let others continue to talk, letting your life consume them.
In a way, they themselves have allowed drama to consume their own life and you don’t have to live the same.
Live your life, do your thing and let them talk. Eventually they’ll run out of steam and find someone else to target.
6. Teach To Treat
You have to teach people how you want to be treated especially in these circumstances, otherwise people will continually walk all over you.
Creating good boundaries is useful in this situation as well as finding more hobbies that grow your confidence.
For example, I picked up a bunch of hobbies I stopped doing and in doing them, my confidence grew.
I also began to become so incredibly aware of how right I was and realized how unhealthy so many people are (even if they would absolutely never admit it) that I gained respect for myself and in turn, my confidence began to show.
I say how right I not in the sense of saying I am completely a blameless person, but right in how I was telling the truth and realized people’s behaviors were wrong, no matter how much they try and justify it.
If you have your head down, you seem shameful, you constantly feel nobody believes you and your exhausted from explaining yourself, well then people are going to take advantage of that.
It’s sad but true, otherwise those people would have never bullied you in the first place.
Find your inner strength and confidence.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you your something your not because they never have or will earn that right.
7. Don’t React
You don’t owe it to anyone to explain yourself or react to every accusation that comes at you.
The more you react, the more people won’t believe you.
It’s sad because you would think offering valid proof would convince an average intelligent person, however that is not usually the case for a variety of reasons.
People see things how they want to because it benefits them in some way (pride, being right etc), so don’t feel like you have to offer any proof and don’t bother reacting.
I learned this the hard way, thinking I could prove with facts, only to my utter shock did I realize it didn’t matter if I had literal visible proof, people still didn’t believe me.
I was both horrified yet I had to laugh all at the same time and I learned reacting is an absolute waste of energy.
8. Take Your Power Back
Don’t grant anyone permission to over power you with unhealthy dialogue. If you need to, block them.
Not out of spite or hurt feelings, that’s just immature, but truly out of protecting yourself.
You don’t deserve to have people calling you or texting you unhealthy things only making you feel worse.
Take your power back and don’t feel bad doing it.
People may bring up more accusations by saying the only reason you ended contact was out of guilt because you “aren’t innocent” or you have “Something to hide”, but you know that’s not true so how cares what they think.
One day, hopefully they will read their messages to you or reflect on how they talked to you and realize that probably was extremely unhealthy.
Although they may never admit it, they’ll know to some degree or another.
Everyone has to emerge from denial at some point, they may dive right back in, but rest assured people generally know what they did wrong.
You just have to really not let anyone decide how you are to feel or how your supposed to think.
9. Take A Fast
Sometimes it’s healthy to just take a fast from things like social media, friends, certain activities or anything that risks you being exposed to more drama.
At times, it can cause more rumors especially if you deactivate your Facebook, people will talk but you can’t let that stop you form doing what you need to do.
It’s refreshing to step away from certain things that will tempt you to either engage in drama or put you in positions to receive unhealthy conversations.
Take care of yourself and allow yourself the time to get away from whatever it is you need a break from.
Ultimately you can’t force people to see you in a better light, but you can definitely continue working on what you need to and just be yourself.
Truth either will or will not be known, but you can rest assured things got blown way out of proportion and your definitely not the only one.
Exercising these 9 strategies will definitely improve your self esteem and enable you to change your mindset to move forward in life.
Take your life back and focus on other things.
Over time, people will begin to see who you really are. Whether they admit it or not.
Don’t ever let people define who you truly are and don’t give people the power to decide your worth.
Love yourself more often.
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I hope these tips were helpful, feel free to comment below if you have anything to add!