Ever told a lie and got away with it?
I’m sure every has and hopefully eventually owned up to it.
Ever told the truth but didn’t get away with?
Now that’s an oddly put sentence, I’m sure fewer have experienced that.
 
This past season of my life, this “dark” time I call it, I never realized how toxic a lie can be and how it permeates through every aspect of the lives of others.
I never realized that telling the truth would cause so much skepticism and alienation.
I encountered a traumatic situation, to say the absolute least, I don’t think my mind even considered that there would be a possibility of an alternate version of what had occurred.
Not only was I undergoing a bunch of hurt, anger, confusion and shock, I was
ignorant to all the gossip and lying that ensued,
I can’t really describe in words how exactly it feels to have family, friends and individuals from the community believe such mendacious tales.
It’s indescribable how it feels to have had people throw my past in my face which had no relevance pertaining to the situation at hand.
Nor has it be easy having  people encourage me to feel guilt for things that wasn’t even guilt for me to own.
Lastly, it’s almost impossible to withstand interrogations and accusations from people.
I’ve never felt so alone after going through what I endured nevertheless having the actual event distorted to fit someone’s fantasy for self gain.
Everyone has and does lie to a degree or another. I understand we aren’t always  truthful, however we either get caught or our conscience kicks in and we confess.
It’s almost too difficult for me to comprehend how anyone can lie and create such extreme allegations, let alone keep those lies consistently alive, irregardless of how contorted they get.
The effects of lying I have seen in how it’s impacted others including myself is frightening. It’s evil.
The amount of people influenced and deceived is devastating.
In order for myself to heal from the lies being spread about me and the situation I was involved in, I had to do some research on exactly why people lie in the first place.
It does not excuse or justifying the liar, however it’s helped me heal and forgive by gaining more understanding.- Perhaps people lie in order to direct an issue onto someone else in order to see themselves as blameless.
That way, they never fully have to deal with guilt, remorse, or fix any issues if they can convince themselves and others that they are truly innocent.
We  see this all the time in courts, where people hire lawyers to get out of serious crimes, unfortunately sometimes they do get away with these heinous crimes.
Leaving the families and/or the victim(s) with no sense of any justice.
As a christian I can only hope that a criminal, despite getting out of a sentencing, finds it in themselves to have remorse and make the necessary changes in their lives.
Unfortunately that is not always the case.
– It is possible another reason people tell lies is because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the reactions or decisions they want.
– I think another reason people lie is out of the sheer fact they don’t want to lose respect from people.

They seek value and self worth so if lying will feed those needs they will continue to lie whatever the cost.
They fear telling the truth will cause people to reject them and have no respect for them.
We see this within our own government system daily.
– Lies snowball, so when one lie is revealed, that means so can, more and more and others that are being hidden.
Out of self preservation people keep lies, then other lies, then more lies until they can’t even admit to one out of fear the others will be unraveled and surface.
– When we are under pressure, our thinking about the big picture can be challenged. Our memory of things is actually quite unreliable.
Multiple studies demonstrate that our memories are influenced by many things, that they change over time, and that they are essentially reconstructed each time we think about them.
Often, repetitive liars feel so much pressure in the moment that their memory becomes simply unreliable.
When they say something, it’s often because they genuinely believe, at that moment, that it is the truth.
Their memory has been overwhelmed by stress, current events, and their desire to find a way to make this situation work.
Sometimes, this can become so severe that the person almost seems to have created a complete alternate world in their head, one that conforms to their moment-by-moment beliefs and needs.
I think this is a dangerous realm to enter with mental illness or drug induced influence, this is a recipe for a disaster.
– Finally, the liar might want their lie to be true so badly that their desire and needs again overwhelm their instinct to tell the truth. Sometimes, liars hope that they can make something come true by saying it over and over, and by believing it as hard as they can.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/women-who-stray/201701/6-reasons-people-lie-when-they-don-t-needFor me, researching things that are unfamiliar to me, helps me gain a better understanding for things.
Although gaining clarity for why people do the things they do, does not eliminate the disastrous effects lying has had on me.
I lost so many loved ones, I watched the liar gain so much control, I gradually felt more and more alone.
Aren’t we taught from a young age the benefits that coincide with being honest?
What is one to do when they are being honest but no one believes them?
Why are people comfortable thinking a certain way versus another?
Why are some people biased?
Why do people lack discernment?
Those are all questions I may never know.
I actually considered at one point to agree with the lies said about me, that way, I could actually “fix it” because I could apologize for something that I didn’t even do and people would perhaps honor me for my “honesty”.
I wouldn’t have lost so many people as I did.
I could feed into the liars fantasy.
Everyone would hear what they want to hear, all would be well, right?
I’ll stop right there. Because that way of thinking is SO unhealthy. Obviously.
Isn’t it true though that it’s so much easier to fix a problem when we are the problem versus when it’s someone else?
We have no control over what others will do, confess to, own up to or take responsibility for.
However, we aren’t doing the person who has lied any favors by admitting to something that never actually happened.
Nor is it helpful to cater to the fantasy world everyone else is living in. It’s dishonest.
This cannot be a “agree to disagree” situation at the cost of your own sanity and self worth.
Luckily I was able to get a lot of help to better understand my self worth, value and gain much needed respect for myself.
Again, that does not make the pain any easier. It does not suddenly make people believe in who you are and see you how God does.
It does mean your walking in the light, everyone else is lost in the darkness.
The chaos, confusion and destruction of the dark pit of lies is very hard to get out of.
It hasn’t been easy at all. I wish everyday things would be immediately cleared up.
I’ve learned a great deal this season of my life that God’s timing is way better then mine, his timing is actually perfect.
As much as I get so frustrated with God and ask him “why can’t you just show everyone who I really am?”, “why can’t you just expose all the lies now?”, “why can’t you just punish those who gave into gossip, conspiring and slander on my account!?”
I always feel cautioned to just stay in God’s word, stay off social media, listen to christian songs, associate with people that walk in the light and continuously ask God to show me who I really am in different ways and he does show me daily.
I’m reminded of the story of Joseph, when his brothers sold him into slavery, lied to their father claiming he had died.
His brothers were able to watch their parents grieve the loss of this child purely derived from jealousy.
Jospeh got close to the King, but the King’s wife accused Joseph of taking advantage of her.
Joseph was thrown into prison and left for a long time.
I can relate to Joseph when someone frames you for a crime you did not do.
Although I may not be in physical prison, I am socially and emotionally.
When Joseph becomes King of Egypt, his brothers come looking for food, they didn’t even recognize him, once Joseph revealed himself, the brothers begged for his forgiveness. Despite the understandable anger, Joseph forgave all of his brothers and even invited them and their families into his palace.
I hope one day, if truth is revealed during my lifetime, that I am able to be as forgiving and loving as Joseph to all who abandoned me, lied about me, questioned my integrity, gossiped about me, conspired against me and slandered my name.
I don’t have many people on my side, but God is on my side and has been all a long.
God is a God of justice and he protects his children.
It’s been the hardest journey to pay no mind to what the opinions and interpretations of others are.
There are lessons to be learned though, sticking true to truth even if no one else supports you and to be forgiving to all those who persecuted you.
The more I spend in his word, the more I surround myself with people that walk in the light is the more I eliminate the outside influences telling me who I am and these negative influences get replaced by God’s word.
It allows me to focus on who God tells me I am.

The person God tells me I am is that I am not a liar. I am a woman of truth.
Believe it or not, believe me or not.

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